Some times you have to just sit there and let it happen, let the waves decide where you will land and or will you ever. Some times I am paused by how every thing could be out of my control and how I am powerless in changing the way one feels, despite all I do... I have been thinking for many hours in the last 2 days...And some times allowing the tears to find their way, maybe, maybe it would calm me down, the voice of my friends, are like birds singing in the end of autumn, hardly catches me, but one today,"Babak" told me: "You have to find your self, you cant sit there and wait for the events to determine your faith, you have got to separate your self"....My family physician, Dr. Tietle told me, as he was watching my tears, "life goes on"..For what I know so far, I have surrendered to the waves, I am not tough, I am weak, I am for the first time feeling the pain and it is no body's fault.